VERBATIK MEDIA by Heena R. Pardeshi

Literary Editor, Script Writer & Analyst

Caged

Hello everyone! I hope you all are having a great week start 🙂

Last week I had a lot of things going on and as a result I had to abandon most of my reads and my 3 blog posts. My mother stayed with me for almost a week and we had quite a lot of fun this time playing cards (rummy and bridge.) But as always whenever I spend more than 3 days with my mother, my brain starts to get flooded with loads of depressing poems. I know it’s weird but my mom has that kind of effect on me. As I’m no poet, getting a ready poemin my mind is always good!

This is my second attempt at “poem” (the first one was My Father.) While reading please remember that I’m not a poet and neither do I know anything about it’s devises, etc. So if you see any mistakes or you feel that it’s a bit incomplete then please ignore.

Caged

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I’m a bird and I live in this cage

I don’t know why they never let me out

 I have no more desire to be free,

for I have no feathers left that will take me away.

I bit all my feathers and slashed and tore them out

For I have nothing else to do in this prison of mine

And only anger, and fear and endless fearful bouts

They come to feed me

and then they watch me eat

like it is really amusing

They get happy when I sing

like I am a good singer

They have a name for me

they take  good care of me

But if they love me so

then why do they keep me locked inside?

***

I’ve never been free

but I know it in my heart,

that the moment I will fly

I will be able to touch the sky.

What it is like to spread thy wings and fly

I don’t know, because never ever did I try

for they keep me locked up inside

and now I have no feathers left.

***

You keep me caged

like you are the God,

who will decide my fate.

What fun is this that you get,

seeing me tear up my feathers in frustration?

What fun is this that you get,

seeing me cry my heart out?

What fun is this that you get,

seeing me so helpless and weak?

 I can’t understand the definition of your fun

for I can never hurt anyone the way you do.

How can you be happy in someone else’s sorrow?

Seeing you, I feel like there is no better tomorrow.

I cry, I yell and sit here in complete harrow…

***

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47 responses to “Caged”

  2. A very deeply felt poem. I feel your pain and your desperation and of course this feeling of helplessness. But Heena, there is only one person that can keep us caged…! You are not a child anymore and if you want to change something, stand up! You can! You are not depending on anyone or anything of your past. Today is today! As I quoted last week: No one can us make think, feel, or do anything unless we agree! Perhaps you want to read my post from yesterday https://erikakind.wordpress.com/2015/04/20/no-more-excuses-no-more-stepping-back/ It’s all about that! And never forget: Whatever someone did to you – it is not about you!

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    • Thanks a lot Erika… I agree with what you said and I’m sure that you’ll be happy to know that now I’m free of all these emotions. But these were real at some point in my past and so I feel relieved when I let these emotions out. Presently, they don’t affect me negatively but rather quite positively as I consider myself lucky to break free from such negative emotion. 🙂
      And as you said, yes, I was the one who was stopping myself. And ultimately I was only the one who actually broke free! 🙂
      Now it feels good just to get rid of these feelings that housed inside me years ago and I feel that by writing about them I’m throwing out their very last essences as well!
      Thanks for all your support dear ❤ I'll surely check out the post you mentioned 😀
      Thanks for reading and discussing… it's always great to talk to you about emotions 🙂

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      • I love reading your words. Your story describes the ultimate insight and breakthrough from dependency and taking over happily responsibility for life. Looking back we almost cannot believe that there was a time we thought we need the approval of others to feel free, right? I am really happy to know that you took off the heavy coat and fly free towards whatever you feel like. Yes, it is wonderful for me as well to have this exchange. Watching someone fly is my greatest joy! Much love to you, Heena! 💖

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  4. First, I think that it’s a wonderful poem. Sad, but wonderful. Secondly, when I feel down and I write something sad, it’s a good feeling afterwards, as though these words needed to escape from my heart. Thanks for sharing your feelings and words, Heena!

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    • Thanks a lot Rob! And you’ve said exactly as I feel. After getting these words out I feel so much better and return to my otherwise positive attitude… 🙂
      Thanks for sharing your experience Rob 🙂
      Have a wonderful day!

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  6. The first thing I thought when I read this was simply that it was a lovely, descriptive poem, expressing the yearning for freedom that seems impossible. I hadn’t realised that the thoughts were personal, that it was yourself you were writing about, until I read the comments before mine. I can only imagine you are one of the many women in India who feel like this, too. You have always seemed to me to be such a happy person and I’m saddened to find out otherwise. I hope you take heed of Erika and Galit’s advice.

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    • I’m glad you liked the poem Millie! Thanks 🙂
      And yea, I’ve written it based on the dark emotions I felt, but those were the emotions I felt in my past (during my parents’ divorce.) I used to feel helpless about the whole situation and used to hate the fact that divorces ultimately ruin a child’s early life completely… I loved my father a lot and had to ultimately leave him… That’s the stuff I went through when I was a teenager and it really affected me in a really negative way. But thankfully after marriage my hubby helped me come out of my self-inflicted depression and from last 2-3 years I’m a really changed person (and as my family jealously say, the most happy person in our entire family. lol!) 🙂
      I feel positive most of the time but sometimes when I meet my mother, my past starts to depress me again and those are the moments where I use my ‘writing’ to free me… I write sad stuff like this and as soon as I finish writing, I start to feel positive again! I guess emotions just need an outlet!
      Now again I’m back to my happy self and also again back to changing the world with my writing! lol!
      And I firmly believe that despite countries, each and every person gets their share of problems. In my case, I got them before turning 20 and in a way, I consider it lucky cause now I can be a true writer in a young age with a bag full of emotional experience! There you have, the positive me 😀

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  9. The sweetest songs are those that tell of the saddest thoughts, said the poet, and truly so, as nothing ignites poetry more than pathos. May be u were a caged bird under maternal trammels; but I am sure your plumes are now beautifully in situ, enabling soaring high and freely over every creative firmament….

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    • True words! I was a caged bird before marriage (weird, right!?) but my parents’ divorce was really hard on me and thankfully after marriage my hubby helped me a lot to be free and to understand that I have to live my life and forget bout what they did to me… I guess divorces really hard on everyone! But in my experience children are the ones who suffer the most as they are just the innocent victims.
      Thanks a lot Raj for reading my poem. It’s hard for me to write about the time I was in depression (my teenage) but once I write it down and get it all out, I feel liberated! 🙂

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  10. Thanks for sharing your poem and your true emotions with us Heena. It is cleansing and liberating to express your thoughts and emotions from deep within. Otherwise it’s like a sore that never heals, Something will come up and the sore returns – the scab just heals over for a period of time. You should write more poems.

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  11. Oh Heena. I’m so sorry you felt so down. I know what it’s like to have a visit with mom, and then end up not going so well. Usually I would get so irritated with her and angry after the first couple of days too. It’s gotten better over time, but it used to be very difficult. I would feel so bad because I think sometimes she would cry because of my brash attitude with her.
    I hope you’re feeling better and that you have a great weekend.
    As for me, I’ve been super busy getting my place ready for moving into. Today we actually start the move. I can’t wait to have some routine and normalcy in my life again.
    Hugs.
    🙂 ❤
    p.s. I like the new look. Very vibrant. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    • You’re always so understanding Staci! I go through exactly the same! As you said, maybe it’ll get better with time for me as well (I really hope that it does!)
      Thanks a lot for reading my poem dear! I love interacting with you 🙂

      And I hope you get settled in your new place soon… I can understand how stressed one can get in the move.

      And I’m so glad that you like this look… I really hope that these vibrant colors will cheer up all my visitors 😀

      Loads of hugs ❤
      Have a joyous day dear!!! 🙂

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      • You are welcome. In most instances I can’t get out, I am trying things that do not work and I need to call for help, have pain, waste time at doctors and various other things. It happens to me a lot that I am in a caged position.

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        • You know what, I’ve been there and I know how it feels. I even went to lengths of self-harming and I was suicidal for almost 10 years.
          If you consider me a friend, then please, just take a deep breath and sit for 10 minutes quietly and talk to yourself. Ask yourself, is this how you want to live. That do you really want to waste your precious time in punishing yourself for things you might have not even done. Please, just try to talk your own self out of this self-imposed cage.
          I know it’s difficult, but at the end, it’s only you who can free yourself. Trust me.

          I hope you’ll feel better soon!

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          • I do consider you a friend. I will say I am not the slightest bit suicidal. You are newer to my writings and to what I enjoy reading.For me feeling caged is that I am stuck in a rut and unable to get out of it despite applying myself in tons of ways including blogging. I sometimes write a poem or two or vent. I personal train, bartend private parties and have coached and have been a high level athlete. I have real pain that when if you see me limp it means you would not be able to walk. I have done things not expected despite my size, strength seeming and speed wise based on sedentary parents and those past. My issues baffle doctors for decades. They have said since I was a kid you can’t do this or that and I have. Yet others say you are able to do this and I can’t. I have real normal days and those that seem that my normal fit days are nothing like me. It is just me and confuses many professionals and I have been studied. I somehow have ppl in various arenas say I have never seen this but it is normal for me to have issues. I am not going to injure myself. If I write anything harmful or like others here I am just speaking. Being caged is merely me saying I am. I live with my sister. I am consistently baby sitting. I have limited travel, which is a long story and a long story and I have a large wealth of information, testing and information to go with it. If I agree with something dark I just understand. I am not someone who is looking to harm myself. I have exhausted in various means though and if I were one who would injure myself I would have and not given any info. But I am not. I do however appreciate your concern as it is something I lack as to most people I seem just fine. When I have had things that are obviously not good things I guess. But I am someone who tries to make lemonade out of being served lemons and I have various things in my arsenal except space to do anything I need except pain and being stuck in a situation. I am in a bad place as to getting work for so long I can’t explain, things I am good at that I can’t do time wise, and others that my body does not handle except sparingly. Most of my responses are speaking on a specific point but not last thoughts and planning any harm on myself though I have worked with people that have dealt with less that quit and I helped them. So I understand you fully.

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