Weep A While Longer

I’ve decided to participate in Rachael Ritchey‘s awesome weekly prompt- BlogBattle. I came across it through a very dear friend’s blog- Phoenix Grey. You can visit Rachael’s blog to find out more about #blogbattle- Writing Rachael Ritchey

BlogBattle rules:

  1. 1000 words max
  2. fictional tale (or true if you really want)
  3. PG (no more than PG-13) Content – let’s keep this family friendly! (this week will be difficult, I know. That’s a somewhat violent word! Remember, use your imagination. 🙂 )
  4. Your story must contain the word(s) from the theme and/or be centered around the theme in a way that shows it is clearly related
  5. Go for the entertainment value!
  6. Use the hashtag #BlogBattle, put a link back to your #BlogBattle Short Story in the comments section of this post, and/or include a link to this post in your own blog post (it creates a “ping-back” which will alert me and our friends to your #BlogBattle post)
  7. Have fun!

BlogBattle is based on the concept of one-word prompt writing. This week’s BlogBattle word prompt: Feather.

Here’s my entry for this week:

Weep A While Longerspring-1228678_1280

Genre: Dark Fiction

I open my eyes and the brightness surrounding me makes me squint. It’s white everywhere. Where am I?

I try to push myself up from where I’m lying expecting a hard ground beneath my body but it’s too soft to be mud or leaves. I immediately pull my hands away and turn to look what lies beneath me. Feathers – crisp white and tiny.

Sitting up I smile at myself grabbing a hand full of delicate feathers that are lying all around me. There’re so many that this place is looking white from roof to roots.

I blow the handful of feathers in my hand and they rise up in the air as if they have a life of their own. And just as those lovely feathers start to come down, I hear a giggle from behind.

For a second my heart stopped beating. No, it can’t be. Is this a dream?

I look around me at the feathers. Of course, it is a dream. I get up slowly trying to decide whether I really heard Mike’s voice or was it just my imagination. My whole body is moving slow as if moving fast will wake me up for real and I’ll lose this beautiful dream missing a chance to see Mike.

I hear his giggles again. This time I turn around so fast that I almost loose my footing. And when I look at the other side of the room, I see the most beautiful sight in the world- Mike sitting in his crib, waving at me and giggling.

Tears start running down my eyes as I run towards him. I feel as if I’ll explode with all the joy that is bubbling inside me. I reach out with my hand seeing Mike trying to get up holding the bars of the crib.

I’m running towards him, but then I realise that I’m still far away from him.

I try to run faster, and faster, to the point where my feet loose footing several times. I get up and run again, the dark cloud of panic settling over my heart.

“Mike. Don’t worry sweetie. Mommy’s coming.” I’m screaming like a mad woman now. But I’m nowhere near Mike. It feels like I’m still standing at the far corner of the room where I woke up.

I stop and look around to figure out a way to get to him before everything fades away- like it always does. I get down on my knees and frantically try to crawl through the feathers lying on the ground, trying to make my way to Mike.

A fog starts to settle in the room and now I can’t even see Mike clearly. “Don’t worry, Mike. mommy’s here, sweetie.”

I try to run again, but it’s of no use. I try to see through the fog and after a lot of trouble I’m finally able to see the outline of his crib. But what I notice nearly stops my heart. I can’t see him anymore. Slowly the fog starts to lift up, just the way it settles without any warning. And the scene in front of me knocks the wind out of me. Mike’s crib is empty. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no.. this can’t be happening again. No, no. Please, no! Mike, Mike! Come to mommy Mike. Mommy is here to take you with her.”

But there’s no sign of him or his sweet giggles.

I slump down on the ground among the feathers and stare at the empty crib in front of me. And all of a sudden I hear Mike’s sobs coming from my right.

I turn to see where he is, but instead of my sweet Mike I see a lot of feathers… and a big red patch soaking through them. And as the realisation dawns on me, I know that I’ve failed him again. Blood- my Mike’s blood. And here I am, witnessing the death of my 1-year-old child for the hundredth time.


Please feel free to give your feedback in the comments section below.


Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

38 responses to “Weep A While Longer”

  1. This was great. I mean, terrible, but great. Very well done, I could feel the intensity, the pain – the psychological devices of the dream were excellent as well. Nice 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, this is heartbreaking. I loved how you used the feathers throughout the piece. I really felt for the woman. ANd I want to know hat happened to her baby.

    I’m really glad you’ve joined the blogbattle. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks a lot, Phoenix. At first, I was a little worried about Feather as a prompt, but then luckily figured it out.
      I’m glad you liked it 🙂
      And thanks. I’m working on the story for next week’s prompt right now. The best part for me about Blogbattle is that Rachael puts up the word prompts in advance. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s good to have advance warning. Though it’s taken me all week to work out how to fit this week’s word into my story! Got there in the end though. I think that’s one of the things I enjoy most about the blogbattle – working out how to use the word. It gets the old creative cells turning. 😀 I look forward to seeing what you’ve come up with this week.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Same here! It was tough and as you said it really does help work out the rusty ol’ creative cells!
          I’ve just posted mine. Hope you’ll like it and hope it doesn’t sound too forced (the leviathan thing.) But well, it’s a post-apocalyptic piece, if it can have undead creatures, it might as well have a leviathan! RMFAO 😀 😉
          Looking forward to reading yours too!!!

          Liked by 1 person

          • I’m sure I will like it. I’ll get to it as some point during the week. I’ve always found post-apocalyptic hard to write, so I’m awed that you’ve tackled it. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Really!? I’m always so envious of your ability to nail fantasy. Post-apocalyptic and apocalyptic fiction is totally my thing, maybe because violent and gory writing comes naturally to me. Some talent, huh? Lol. My mum’s always worried about me… figures.

              Liked by 1 person

              • We all have our talents, I suppose. Fantasy comes naturally to me. Probably because I’ve lived most of my life imagining myself in other worlds. 😀 The world would be a dull place if we were all the same. I like reading post-apocalyptic, but I can’t write it. The same with sci-fi. It doesn’t come easily the way fantasy does.

                Liked by 1 person

                    • OMG!!! I’m a super fan!!! I mean, he’s like a breathing GOD to me!
                      His books are so much more than anyone can even imagine. I mean they are not scary scary, you know, but they are really psychological. I mean he knows how to play with ones mind and I admire him so much!
                      Some of his books are simply outstanding! Have you watched any of his movie adaptations? Cujo? The Shining? It? or maybe Carrie?
                      If you ever decide to try any of his books, I’d suggest Pet Sematary, Duma Key And Cell (Cell is an apocalyptic book, and not that scary or serious, but it will make sure to introduce you to his style of writing and talent quite nicely. Esp. the ending.)
                      But I guess, you might enjoy Firestarter better. It’s a really well-written book (but my least favourite as there are no demons or gory things. BUT, almost all his fans LOVE it.)

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • With such enthusiasm, maybe I am missing something here?! I’ve looked at his books before and thouht about it, but been a bit wary. Everyone seems to rave about his writing, so I would like to experience it for myself. Maybe Firestarter might be a good starting point if it’s not gory. I’ll add it to my TBR and keep an eye out for it. Thanks. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I will let you know when I’ve read it. I’ll probably post a review on Goodreads anyway. I’m trying to keep doing that. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

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